A week ago today, I was sitting on the second floor of the Grand Mosque in Mecca, immersed in worship and reflecting on the week-long spiritual journey of hajj that I had just been on.

During my time in Mecca, I put myself on a self-imposed media fast – staying away from the Internet, and literally pulling out the plug on the television in my hotel room. But despite my efforts to remain unconnected with life in Toronto, snippets of one news story in particular managed to make it all the way to Mecca – that of the death of 16-year-old Aqsa Parvez.

While on pilgrimage, I prayed for Parvez, whom I had never met, and for her family, an immigrant family torn apart by the tragedy they probably never even saw coming when they came to Canada. I also prayed for the Muslim community in Toronto, which I knew would be struggling to deal with the fallout from this tragedy.

My assumption was that other than some words of condemnation, a few brave voices of outrage, and a promise for change, there would be little action, little reflection, and little learned from the tragedy. Although issues of familial problems, domestic violence or intergenerational conflicts are a part of every Muslim family I have encountered, discussions about such issues are shunned and almost unheard of.

But if Canada's largest Islamic conference can serve as an indicator, things may slowly be changing for the better. At the 6th annual Reviving the Islamic Spirit convention this weekend at the Metro Toronto Convention Centre, more than 15,000 Muslims attended lectures dealing with social issues plaguing the community, including topics never discussed before so openly, like pornography, divorce, and domestic violence.

This is the sixth year the "unique youth effort" – the brainchild of a few young Muslim activists who wanted a forum for issues affecting their generation – has been held in Toronto.


"We have been in denial for too long," said Saeed Memon of Mississauga, a conference attendee. It's safe to say the impetus for change has been Parvez's death, he added.

The conference also included an hour-long seminar addressing the cultural baggage many associated with the teen's death.

In my view, the conference got it right. It appears culture played a role in her death, not religion as some have argued. She died, her friends said, because she didn't want to wear the hijab, something her more conservative family wanted her to adopt.


It's easy to disregard theories that cultural clash, a lack of parenting skills or a lack of parent-child communication may have played a role in her death – especially when the notion of a forced hijab is so appealing and, in today's political climate, so much easier to understand.

But as a hijabi by my own inclination, a choice that I made during university, much to the chagrin of my father who asked me to really consider the consequences of donning the scarf, it's hard to ignore the fascination both the Muslim community and broader Canadian society have with this piece of cloth.

I can't deny there are women forced to wear the hijab through peer pressure at school or family pressure at home. But in Canada, there are many young, smart Muslim women who have chosen to wear the hijab in part because it makes them a better Muslim, brings them closer to their faith, or simply allows them to adopt an Islamic identity.

It's often difficult to understand why women born and raised in Canada, like me, would choose a lifestyle that appears to be more restrictive and even oppressive to some. It is probably because I don't see it through that lens. I am not of the kind to preach that the hijab has liberated me, because it hasn't.

It isn't easy to wear the hijab in Canada, and is even more difficult when I travel. But it is a fundamental part of my Canadian-Islamic identity, and a part of faith that I consider important enough to have adopted – despite the difficulties that come with wearing it.

At the same time, I believe the Muslim community needs to take a look at why we have made wearing the hijab so important.

Why have we allowed this physical manifestation to become more important than a basic understanding of one's faith? To wear the hijab is a huge responsibility, one not taken lightly by any woman who does so consciously. That is why we need to begin to deconstruct the notion of cultural hijab that has emerged within the community, the idea that by simply donning the scarf, one will automatically become more pious, and a better person.

It may sound odd coming from one who wears the hijab, but I think it's time the Muslim community starts to de-emphasize the hijab, and focus instead on the virtues of modesty, respect and faith that hijab was meant to represent.

well said.

thanks Sunil...did u forget to put the site? ;)

i read that earlier.

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this is prob. not the norm but here is an exp. i had recently.

we were at a party for a friend's 50th and one of her sons walked in with a young lady wearing a hijab...
many of us wondered about her...

later, she took off the hijab and started drinking ...straight from the beer bottle...

upon departure, she put her hijab back on...

the hat does not a man make!

quote:

Originally posted by chameli:
thanks Sunil...did u forget to put the site? ;)

I'm not Xalein:-)

quote:

Originally posted by chameli:
thanks Sunil...did u forget to put the site? ;)

i read that earlier.

--------------
this is prob. not the norm but here is an exp. i had recently.

we were at a party for a friend's 50th and one of her sons walked in with a young lady wearing a hijab...
many of us wondered about her...

later, she took off the hijab and started drinking ...straight from the beer bottle...

upon departure, she put her hijab back on...

the hat does not a man make!

This incident is very rare among women who wear the Hijab. The hijab reflects modesty, purity and respect. Most Muslim women wear the Hijab with pride and its their own personal choice.

quote:

Originally posted by Xalien:

It may sound odd coming from one who wears the hijab, but I think it's time the Muslim community starts to de-emphasize the hijab, and focus instead on the virtues of modesty, respect and faith that hijab was meant to represent.

I am confused.. it dose sounds odd to me.

I just realize that we are confusing the hijab with khimar. Hijab is the entire dress while the khimar is the head dress. Hijab is dressing modestly (don't have to look arab to be dressing modest and dressing arab is cumbersome when you drag all that dirt from the road into your home or into the masjid) Khimar is the head dress which apparently was what got Aqsa into trouble. In my opinion, that arab style khimar is not required. Why not wear a khimar like the one Jackie Onassis used to wear. In that sense, the point made by the author of the piece above is sound since she is asking for emphasis on matters more important than the khimar. Especially one that looks arab and makes non-arab Muslim women unnecessary targets of descrimination. But since so many of our Muslim men don't even think about the discomfort of their sisters praying areas (some sisters praying areas are concrete/tiles covered by a cotton sheet while the men areas are plush carpeting) how would they know what their women endure. The prophet made adjustments to preserve life, limb and property. We are taking the opposite approach.

quote:

Originally posted by ksazma:
I just realize that we are confusing the hijab with khimar. Hijab is the entire dress while the khimar is the head dress. Hijab is dressing modestly (don't have to look arab to be dressing modest and dressing arab is cumbersome when you drag all that dirt from the road into your home or into the masjid) Khimar is the head dress which apparently was what got Aqsa into trouble. In my opinion, that arab style khimar is not required. Why not wear a khimar like the one Jackie Onassis used to wear. In that sense, the point made by the author of the piece above is sound since she is asking for emphasis on matters more important than the khimar. Especially one that looks arab and makes non-arab Muslim women unnecessary targets of descrimination. But since so many of our Muslim men don't even think about the discomfort of their sisters praying areas (some sisters praying areas are concrete/tiles covered by a cotton sheet while the men areas are plush carpeting) how would they know what their women endure. The prophet made adjustments to preserve life, limb and property. We are taking the opposite approach.

More confusion,FYI Praying conditions has improved 1000 time better from in the time of the holy Prophet (pbuh) give thanks and stop complaining. The harder the struggle the more blessings and you should be focusing on Islamic style khimar/hijab and not Arabs style khimar/hijab.

Great advise Fu Real

quote:

Originally posted by Fu Real:
The harder the struggle the more blessings.

Perfect. So it show how much more we care for our sisters when we have them pray on the hard floor while we pray on plush carpeting.

quote:

Originally posted by Fu Real:
you should be focusing on Islamic style khimar/hijab and not Arabs style khimar/hijab.

I am more interesting on focussing on truth than on dress code. No matter how much hijab/khimar compliant I am, as long as I am not able to openly be detested by the murderous ways of some of my brothers, I may as well walk naked. Notice how no one is biting the bait to condemn the everyday killings by our brothers. Again yesterday in Iraq and eslewhere.

quote:

Originally posted by Chief:
Great advise Fu Real

Generally we as humans try to come up ways of working around the systems and we sometimes consciously or unconsciously apply this method to our act worship. We will show up 1 hour early for a graduation function because we want to have a front seat, but will storm in 30 minutes late for Jummah because we want to be in the back saff so that we can rush out first to go back to work.
These are the realities of life and always seem to be so willing to compromise on our acts of worship over aspects pertaining to dunnyah. Many of us try to justify our way of life by invoking all kind of fancy arguments, knowing fully well that these matters were already addressed by the almighty. We always find that the most controversial topics in our society (ummah) are those based on the way we should practice our deen.
If we roll up to a traffic light and the light is red what would we do? If as Muslims (women) we are required to dress in a particular manner then what should we do?

To obey the law of mankind no problem.
To obey the law of Allah ???

I pray that Almighty Allah increase our takwah.I want to remind myself and all about the very first message our Prophet (pbuh) proclaim publicly. He warned his people (us) about hell fire, the great punishment, a day which is true and a day that will surely come.

My brother Fu Real you are really real with our deen.
May Almighty Allah bless you and cause all of us to fear him with the right type of fear.